Rub-a-Dub

So last night I was in the middle of my nightly online poker game, I needed something to keep me a touch distracted and so help me, but I chose to watch Aladin... Bollywood's version not the Disney thang. It's a good thing I was playing poker on the side coz if I had to devote more than the half-attention I did, I might have suffered from a brain aneurysm or something equally pleasant...

REVIEW:-

Aladin Chatterjee (Ritesh Ritish Ritiesh... no that doesn't look right.. Riteish?! yeah ok... Riteish Deshmukh) is one of those aww-gee-what a poor thing kinda guy who is bullied the fuck out of by his school mates. Special word about Sahil Khan who plays Chief Bully. Hopelessly hammy, his hair looks funny and I am quite sure he had his eyebrows waxed or shaved coz they looked funnier than his hair! I also think the man swallows a bottle of steroids after every meal coz nothing else explains the wierd way his triceps would leap out of the side of his arm in some scenes. I mean there's ripped and then there's Oh-God-those-can't-be-veins-I-think-I-threw-up-little. Don't believe me??! Apni nazar neechey karo and see for yourself...

Right so new girl in college Jasmine has our boy all sweaty and giggly and he would love to make her his but jack shit happens till the lamp turns up and he wastes two wishes on getting the girl and then un-getting her. And then he pisses away the third wish on her too! Now Amitabh who plays Genius the Genie is so bad, you almost gotta feel a little sorry for him. There's loads of overacting and when I say loads think of 16-wheeler semi-truckLOADS of bacon. And then in the middle of all this ham is the quite out of shape and haggard looking Sanjay Dutt as the Ringmaster. He travels around with his equally hysterical coterie of circus freaks who are part of the fantastical (ly horrendous) characters that parade through this film. Except for the masked girl playing RM's main squeeze who's got a smokin' hot bod (yum), jiggles about in a belly dancer's costume (do you serve fries with that??) and blows fiery (literally) hot kisses to people who rub her the wrong way.

There's some convoluted plot which involved the Genie and the Ringmaster and bits of the lamp and Aladin being the One and some comet whose shadow needs to be captured (yeaah! no seriously... I do wish I had been smoking up). Anyway the usual crap of Good guys win Bad guys die happens by the end of it. I couldn't care less honestly because all I was concerned about at that time was my poker game and the fact that I wanted to watch the song called You May Be which I quite liked... although maybe less now after I saw the torture of a movie.

PISS OFF ELEMENT:-

Waaaayyyyy too much overacting from EVERYONE. This might actually have been a mildly passable film had people controlled themselves just a wee bit.

NICE COMMENT:-

Jacqueline Fernandes... oh sweet sweet Jacqueline. Wow what a good looking girl and with no disrespect to Sri Lankans, this girl is ridiculously fairer than most of her countrywo/men. Hell she could pass off for a white girl easy. Also whoever did her dubbing was just great coz I'm guessing this girl doesnt speak Hindi and whoever did the dub was mondo good.

RATING:-

*.25 - 1.25 out of 5 for Sujoy Ghosh's cinematic piece of shit disaster Aladin. Half a star for the yummy bellydancer and Jacqueline each and a quarter for You May Be.