Dil Bole Hadi-BARFFFFF

There's 2 hours and 15 minutes of my life I am not going to get back. OK to be fair, this movie actually could have been better than it eventually turned out to be. I am quite the fan of sports movies and well this one tried to be one of those funny rom-coms Hollywood actively churns out. Unfortunately pretty much everyone in this enterprise did their best (and succeeded) in fucking things up.

REVIEW:-

Veera (Rani Mukherjee) is a cricket nut who prays to Sachin and dreams of being the next Kapil/Gavaskar/Sachin of India. She is knowing for belting sixers at the drop of a helmet. There's some cricket tournament with the dubious name of Aman Cup. Dubious I say because the tourney is played between India and Pakistan but the way the two team owners and players go about it, that game of cricket might as well be some kind of followup to '71 and Kargil. After having their asses handed to them 9 times in a row (no.. they weren't playing at Sharjah), Indian Tigers owner Anupam Kher calls in reinforcements in the form of his estranged son, Rohan (Shahid Kapoor) to try and make the squad into a bunch of Giant killers. (Oh yeah... the team is called Pakistan Giants or something... fuck cares if that ain't accurate).

There is the mandatory meeting of the boy and girl where each succeeds in pissing off the other and the audience even more with their 'cutesy' mix of English, Hindi and Punjabi. So then Rohan goes about selecting the team. By virtue of a pagdi, some truly fake looking facial hair and some atrocious looking pullshots, Veera who turns into Veer Pratap gets a place in the squad. In the meantime Rohan starts fallin for Veera (man... its would have been interesting if he'd fallen for Veer!) after one song at the family's Baisakhi function. More pseudo and 'cutesy' romance follows with the lead pair doing a mash-up of Heer Ranjha and DDLJ.

Headups you stupid fucks at Yashraj - I love DDLJ as does most of this country. It is truly one of Hindi cinema's brightest moments and am proud to have been part of this generation which got to experience its magnum opus the way my folks got to do it with Sholay. But don't, Don't, DON'T shove it down our throats in all of your movies. Every Yashraj film does not to have to be the snooze button on DDLJ. You are killing the fun of inserting it as a romantic/funny/nostalgic element by putting it in every goddamn production of yours!

OK so then love shuv ho jaata hai... The following day 'the match' happens. Mid way through the match Rohan discovers (through the worst looking contact lens I have ever seen) that Veer Pratap possesses a vagina. The thought of his opening partner not needing a groin guard is too much for him to bear, so he starts bowling like crap and the Paki team ends up making a massive total.
Rohan and Veera have this showdown in the strangely empty bathroom of the dressing room, where he tells her to bugger off and decides to win the match with one wo/man short. The Indian team loses 9 wickets and then Rohan decides after a mid-pitch consultation with his pops to let Veera in to play.

Yup... thats the target for the Indians when their lone hope walks onto the crease. Since we all know what the outcome of the match is going to be, if you're cricket fan, I know you're either A) Shaking your head and grinning B) Giggling hysterically or C) Grabbing tissues coz you peed yourself laughing.

Anyway, Veera accomplishes the deed despite a broken (!!) arm coz y'know he/she bats left and right handed. Then her identity is revealed to which the Paki players say "Yeh cheating hai..." not "oh shit... we got our asses handed to us by a gurrrl." Anway after a barf inducing speech about euality of gender and women's rights and such like, the whole stadium erupts into applause. As do the audience coz the damn movie is f-i-n-a-l-l-y over!

Shahid Kapoor - I think he wanted to present himself to Yashraj as the next-gen Shahrukh. Very mediocre acting.

Rani Mukherjee - Probably the better of the two leads, she too did some overacting but saala story hi aisa hai then what's a guy/girl to do.

PISS OFF ELEMENT:-

It was really difficult to pick one. I'd have to say the dialogues really really ruined it for me. I might have hated this movie less if it had been a silent film.

NICE COMMENT:-

Anupam Kher was the only actor for me who didnt screw up but then he is a veteran of these jovial Dad roles. I'll confess I have a thing for Sherlyn Chopra and it's right here between my... seeing her in those totally slutty outfits made up for that kinda weird accent, her inane dialogues and bad acting.

RATING:-

* - I'm going with 1/5 only because this movie had some potential.

Coming Soon...

What's Your Rashee?

Blue

Acid factory

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and more!